The message of the cross has been weighing on my heart heavily. The past couple of weeks have been wonderful, yes, but absolutely jam packed with a lot of stuff. Some stuff was awful and some stuff was way cool. But overall, I was beginning to wear myself thin at the cracks. To be honest, I’m not entirely un-thinned yet… I have a mess of stuff to finish up the next couple of weeks.
At the heart of my stress and business, there was a quiet voice that constantly was creeping up in my head. Almost daily I would hear the voice tell me “it’s all going to be okay, you don’t have to be superwoman and you aren’t in charge of saving the world.”
I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to act a certain way or do certain things because they look good or that’s what other people would want to see in us. People develop an idea of who you are and so you try to maintain that idea or reject it. Either way you are working towards a specific kind of person. I know because I do it all the time. I think that I can fit 27 hours into my day, and in the midst of being a full time college student with two jobs that I can also manage to be the worlds hero. People think I’m capable of taking care of things or being a good friend and so in my mind I have decided that it is absolutely necessary for me to do this in the best way possible. So if it means I never say no because I can literally take care of everything, I’ll do it.
What a sad way to live life! No wonder I am constantly losing sleep and feeling anxious and like I’m failing. It is legitimately impossible for me to do every single thing and for me to do every single thing with greatness.
A few weeks ago a friend told me this phrase and it has been resonating in my mind ever since. She said, “Jesus didn’t die on the cross for himself.” For some reason, that clicked in my brain. Of course he didn’t die for himself. If he did, there would be no point to the cross or the message of the gospel. Isn’t the whole point that no matter how good I do, or how many things I do or how well I do them, it will never be enough? I am still a sinner. It’s lodged deep into the crevices of my heart, and I’m never going to be rid of it no matter how many righteous things I do or how I act.
The point is that Jesus died for me, so that I could live without trying to make up for my lack of perfection. He took the same weight I carry around every single day, but he took it on with every other persons weight and died for me. What a beautiful truth! This means that my life, the ability for me to live is all a gift. I don’t have to do good to receive life or to make it to Heaven. I have to accept the love that God has for me.
I don’t know why it’s such a hard concept for me to grasp. I don’t have to meet anyone’s standards. If I don’t finish all fifty five projects I have going on, or three of them don’t turn out the way I want, I am still loved in Gods eyes.
Since this has been sticking in my heart lately, the last few days have felt infinitely better. Even though I’ve been just as busy and just as worn, I have been able to enjoy every second of my business and look at it as a blessing. And when projects aren’t finished I have been able to say to myself, “hey, it’s okay. People fail sometimes.” I know that I am not going to do a good job of remembering this much and tomorrow I’ll probably be stressing about some mundane task again, but at least I figured this concept out! I wish I had sooner. Jesus is wonderful!