only a taste

Eight months ago, if you had asked me what I thought about love I would have laughed in your face. Then I might have scoffed and said “No way Jose.” It wouldn’t be because I don’t think love is a great thing or pretty or full of rainbows and happiness. Because it definitely has all of those things, there’s lots of work involved in loving others, but man is it a beautiful thing. 

I’m a sucker for a good wedding. Watching the bride walk down the aisle, and seeing the look on his face as he watches the woman he loves walk towards being his wife. I am guaranteed a good cry every single time I go to a wedding. I know it’s only going to get worse considering I’m approaching the age where I will begin to have friends get married all the time. 

Despite the fact that I love love, and I love weddings, and I have my entire wedding planned out on Pinterest, eight months ago I didn’t believe it was suited for me. In fact, I was convinced I would remain single for life. I had this thought that I could simply bust out and conquer the world on my own because I obviously was blessed with superpowers, unlike the rest of humanity. I could handle school, a job, a gigantic social circle, church, volunteering, hobbies, and pretty much anything else I felt like adding to my plate. Since I was going to stay single, I stopped caring about what I looked like for a guy. I still wore makeup sometimes and dressed decently for the rest of humanity to not suffer, but all in all I really was just in a mindset that I would conquer my world as the fiercely independent woman that I was. So there was no way I would need to know about love, because I would never be in love. 

Let me be the first to tell you that was the stupidest thought process I could have ever had. Because first of all, I am not God. I have no idea if I will get married or be single and I have no idea when I will know full well the answer to that. And second of all, I am completely and fully incapable of conquering my own world by myself. Truth be told, I’m not fierce like I think I am. I mean, I can’t even kill a spider by myself. I am no superwoman, no matter how much I wish I was one. 

Today, when I asked myself about love I laughed again. Instead of laughing because I didn’t think love was for me, it was because I for the first time ever in my entire life find myself in a relationship with a man whom I dearly love and cherish with my whole heart. He has been one of the biggest blessings in my life the last several months, and I would have never imagined that independent little me could have been okay with letting another individual into my life. And I think I am beginning to see the idea of love in a very new light. 

Love bears all. Love triumphs and shares in joy, and it suffers and shares burdens. It takes the pain and the happiness and carries it all and works through it because in the end, love bears it all and lasts. Love assures fears. But the best part is that when you’re 15 and you think you know all there is to know about love and that your love has tested the toughest waters out there, you’ll realize when you’re 22 that you suddenly know more about love than you did before and you were a silly teenager. And then you’ll understand that when you’re 50 you will know more about love than you do now, but it still won’t be all of the knowledge of what love is. 

That’s the picture of Christ. He showed us first how great love is. It’s just that: it is great. It is vast and expansive, it covers all of the waters of the earth and goes deeper than the oceans and higher than the mountains. We can spend our whole lives thinking we know exactly what love is, and that we have it all down but the truth is that we will never know. God is too grand for that, and he loves us more than we will ever even be able to tell! You can say you love a person on this earth with every fiber in your being, and it still won’t be remotely close to the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. 

What a blessing. Not only does it make me feel special, and adequate knowing that my God loves me more than I can imagine and so deeply and that he calls me his daughter. But I feel blessed to know that the relationships I pursue on this earth, both romantically and non-romantically, can be a tiny little taste of what God’s love is for me and others. Because I know that God loves me so deeply, I can turn right around and pour out that love in my relationships with others. The love we get to show each other is the biggest gift because it comes from God and it brings us all back to God.

So yeah, I guess you could say I’ve learned a little bit about love the last few months. When I decided I was going to be single for a while there, I learned to fall deeply in love with my Creator. And now that I am in a relationship, I pour that love out into another human and he does the same to me. And at the end of the day he can turn to me and say “how is your time with Jesus going?” and I am encouraged to continue to fall in love with God over and over and over again every single day as I experience only a taste of his love through our relationship.

Praise the Lord for the love he so deeply has for me, and you and everyone else. 

with love,